And he said "...let's just be friends."

I don't quite know how to begin my first blog for all to see, but I guess I will start with the thought my mind has been revisiting and dwelling on for the past 48 hours: I never ever ever ever want to have to hear my name followed by these four crushing words from a guy I like ever again..."_____, let's just be friends."
I don't quite remember when it really hit me that he really meant it, but I know it wasn't the first time, or the second, perhaps it was the third or the fourth time within our 10 minute conversation. Yes. It was definitely after the third or fourth time he had to repeat those four crushing words that I finally got that he was being serious, and that I was being one of those girls. And by one of those girls I mean I was being a very very very stupid, drunken girl with expectations. When those four words followed my name for the last time, I got it, and I was crushed. I probably stood there on the very same street we had kissed on just a few weekends before, silent, staring at his face with mouth agape, in disbelief, nay, in shock that he was using the same lines on me that he had told me he had to use on a girl he didn't like at all. But he had sent those lines to her through a text, he didn't say them to her face-to-face, cause he wanted to avoid the awkwardness. So what happened with me? Why did I have to endure the LJBF line face-to-fuckin'-face, when I was having such a lovely drunken eve. And what happened to him liking me...I know he had said it to me, I'm not just imagining it, he even said it the night before. So what had changed? Now he was saying that he only liked me a "little bit" and it was pretty much "just a drunken thing". So he lied, or didn't. I don't quite know what to make of it...And here is where I will go on a rant aimed at guys, actually all of the boys, and yes, I mean boys, not men, that reside in Santa Barbara: If you don't like someone, don't say that you do. Even when you are drunk. I know you can't control what you say when you are drunk sometimes. Trust me, I'm a girl. Girls are known for doing that, even when we're sober. But seriously. If you don't, don't - Jimmy Eat World song for ya right there. (end of rant...)

Just once, I would like to have the upper hand in dealing with the opposite sex. I want to be the one to have the option to use that line...or not, and I would prefer not to and just be happy finally, with a guy that I like and that actually likes me, and doesn't just say it when its convenient for him...I can only hope!

But honestly, who the hell knows what it really means when a guy drops the "LJBF" card on a girl or does/says things he really doesn't mean. I sure as heck don't. And I really don't want to waste my time trying to figure it out either. I already think way too much about things I shouldn't waste my thoughts on to begin with...Although I know myself, and I know that I will devote some of my daily time trying to figure out why things happened the way they did. And I will spend the rest of the day trying to divert my attention to thoughts of a more productive manner, which will prove unsuccessful. I already know this. But I will try not to.

Final thought:
-Caring really is creepy (The Shins song)! And therefore, I will stop caring or at least showing that I care about that one guy and just focus on myself for awhile. I need to do it, for me. And things will eventually be ok, or so my mom says. And we will 'just be friends'...